Fri, 19 May 2006 06:44:33 GMT

I hate people and their fucking lies.
You all can go to Hell.

Fri, 12 May 2006 23:42:51 GMT

Monday:

Didn't want to go to school that day, did it anyway. It was boring and shitty. And I was thinking about things (Gee, that's new). I think I was sick that day, my head was filled with so much pain. And I keep thinking about the same things, all the time. Around Lunch period, that's when I was thinking a lot, and I felt like dying. Because, I'm starting to notice everyday on how much of a horrible person I really am. Maybe I am just like my father? I'm probably just in some kind of denial in life. After school, I did some homework and took a shower, had nothing better to do and I went off to work. Jeff is mad at me, he didn't do much talking to me. I really don't know what I did to upset him, err, maybe something with myself. Damn, I just keep fucking things up with everyone. My friends and my boyfriend. Well, after work. Jeff seem less upset with me. Or maybe he's just sick himself...

Tuesday:

Woke up. Got cleaned up. Went to school. Went home. Did homework. Went to work. Came home. Ate something. Went to bed. Simple as that.

Wednesday:

So, today during school I was really thinking about random things. A lot of things, and I was thinking a lot of, "What if..."'s. Okay, now, I think something more. Like, I'm maturing or something like that. I've never really thought ahead of things. I really always thought I could just get away with things, but now, it's really feels like, I can't make any more mistakes ... well, not mess around with people or something like that. And I was also thinking of people. People that "care" for me. And this just came to my mind, they're giving me so much pressure in life. Telling me things that I don't believe, telling me what to do and what not to do. It really does seem like I can't handle people anymore. I don't know what's real anymore, I don't know what's fake anymore. I use to know the answers to things, right now. I don't know anything.
I was also thinking to myself on everything I've done in life. Damn, I notice how much more horrible I was. I've tried to forget these things, but really. I can't. People just keep bringing things back up after I think I have everything okay. I want to go through a day without anyone giving me shit or anything. I want to be the one where I go to people and dump all my problems on them and make them feel sorry for me and help me. I'm not saying, it's wrong to ask for help. But why ask me help all the time? Yeah, I know, friends are there for them and everything. But, really. I fix my problems...or try to, by myself. Hardly would I ever ask anyone for help. I don't like it nor need it. So, yeah. Tons of things are going through my head right now ..

Thrusday:

It was a dark and rainy day. It kept raining, then stopping, then raining again. Anyway, it was a pretty good day. Was kind of funny, my friend got high off something in class, with a lab we were doing. He also almost died in Lunch after eating a bun, well, he was laughing while he was still eating.
Also, so I was thinking about what I was thinking about on Wednesday. Well, in a way. I always wondered why I was always blaming myself for everything, and I am always finding myself saying, "sorry." Sometimes, it feels like, when someone finally says sorry to me, they don't mean it -- they're just trying to get me to shut up (something like that). I have no idea what has been up with my mind lately..

Friday:

So I read something my friend found, "Ordinary love is overrated. True love is underrated.
Love is easy - life is hard."
The first part, I agree. But really, with the other part. That's not really something to agree on. When you're an immature kid (or person), you really have a set of rules for people you to "date." But, when you get older, (or more mature), you look for someone, who makes you happy and don't really care for those rules anymore. Love isn't easy. Life isn't hard.

Mon, 08 May 2006 04:38:55 GMT

I keep biting my lip.
I'm sore.
And I think tons of people are mad at me. Again.
Not shocking.

Mon, 01 May 2006 01:25:56 GMT

I wish I didn't open my mouth.
I mess up things that I shouldn't even be part of. I'm pretty stupid.
Right now, I wish someone would stab me in the head and leave me to die.

Sun, 30 Apr 2006 20:39:06 GMT

A week ago, I realize how much I've fucked with other people's feelings.
I'm so fucking stupid, I wish I didn't say anything and I really do want to go back and take back everything.
But, I can't.

Bad art is more tragically beautiful than good art.

Suicide on that bridge; on his birthday.

The End of Heartache